fun
November 2008 
chiron is stirring my wound
Posted on Jun 1st, 2008
by 
Sol
Sol
The healing continues, my whole soul and being is stirred by the emotions that surface..There is a certain feeling that comes and goes in me, and that is loneliness..I have been the outsider all my life, and now, more than any other time in my life, this feeling has a tendency to come to me, mostly because the triggers are everywhere and I am a single mother with two small children...I give a lot..Now I feel I need to receive something again..
I was out all day yesterday, and there where people everywhere..I would be much happier on the countryside, with the birds and the skies, and not be reminded of those who always group up and hang around with their peeps...I have some friends in this life, offcourse, but most of the time,I am alone..And I don't mind being alone, but loneliness is when you feel that you have nothing for yourself..All the way, my inner layer, is solitude...Not just only I walk around in dimensions people rarely, if ever visit, my family, my father and my mother that is, lives in another town..My only brother is dead...I have no workcolleagues, the other families in this area are their own small community, this community is not reflecting my values at all...I guess I mostly long for a spiritual reflection in my life, someone who agrees with me..hehe..I don't know..What I know is that chiron is stirring my wound, and that I again have a chance to step out of it and into life again..Ground, and accept life as it is...I am not alone I keep telling myself, but in many ways, I am...And I need to accept that...I find most people boring, I don't know if they make themselves boring, or if they are..And it is okey, I am probarly boring or incomprehensible to most anyway....I never ment to be so peculiar..I came to this planet in love, and still, despite the ignorance , I still am myself.....I toss myself out into the dance again and again, working towards the light , even it it means I have to listen to the boring people..I don't think it is a waste of time, I see them, I have always been good at seeing people as they are on a deeper level, and that is not boring..What they say is boring, they true selves are never boring..But then again, I could never live with one of them, I would die..I need an oasis to come home to...A place where I can just be who I am, as weird as I am, and be understood...
I am not trying to fight the world as it is..People are ok...Most of them are sweet and nice and all, I am not feeling better nor worse than anyone..But I do feel slightly different..This is an inherited syndrom..My father always sais:"I am born in the wrong century" (meaning he should have been born in this current one)
The wound is open today..And what to do?...I accept it...It is okey, there is nothing to do..I cannot fake, and say it isn't so..It is..Some days..And God might have something goody up his sleeve..Who knows...I let go...So that I once again can receive...
Yup...This day allready feels better..It is an illusion, but man, it is surely a cunning one..Almost gets me everytime..
So good luck working with your own negative projections...They are here to be deflated...
Amen.,.
I was out all day yesterday, and there where people everywhere..I would be much happier on the countryside, with the birds and the skies, and not be reminded of those who always group up and hang around with their peeps...I have some friends in this life, offcourse, but most of the time,I am alone..And I don't mind being alone, but loneliness is when you feel that you have nothing for yourself..All the way, my inner layer, is solitude...Not just only I walk around in dimensions people rarely, if ever visit, my family, my father and my mother that is, lives in another town..My only brother is dead...I have no workcolleagues, the other families in this area are their own small community, this community is not reflecting my values at all...I guess I mostly long for a spiritual reflection in my life, someone who agrees with me..hehe..I don't know..What I know is that chiron is stirring my wound, and that I again have a chance to step out of it and into life again..Ground, and accept life as it is...I am not alone I keep telling myself, but in many ways, I am...And I need to accept that...I find most people boring, I don't know if they make themselves boring, or if they are..And it is okey, I am probarly boring or incomprehensible to most anyway....I never ment to be so peculiar..I came to this planet in love, and still, despite the ignorance , I still am myself.....I toss myself out into the dance again and again, working towards the light , even it it means I have to listen to the boring people..I don't think it is a waste of time, I see them, I have always been good at seeing people as they are on a deeper level, and that is not boring..What they say is boring, they true selves are never boring..But then again, I could never live with one of them, I would die..I need an oasis to come home to...A place where I can just be who I am, as weird as I am, and be understood...
I am not trying to fight the world as it is..People are ok...Most of them are sweet and nice and all, I am not feeling better nor worse than anyone..But I do feel slightly different..This is an inherited syndrom..My father always sais:"I am born in the wrong century" (meaning he should have been born in this current one)
The wound is open today..And what to do?...I accept it...It is okey, there is nothing to do..I cannot fake, and say it isn't so..It is..Some days..And God might have something goody up his sleeve..Who knows...I let go...So that I once again can receive...
Yup...This day allready feels better..It is an illusion, but man, it is surely a cunning one..Almost gets me everytime..
So good luck working with your own negative projections...They are here to be deflated...
Amen.,.
Access: PublicTagged with: fun
Sol, I liked reading this. You sound like a sister in spirit! And there are many of us, you'd be surprised. People who never quite felt part of their surrounding world, people who like to withdraw and be with themselves most of the time… Once I started allowing that part of me and stopped fighting it, trying to be more 'normal', I found out… there are many of us!
I think we're a tribe.
You said: I have always been good at seeing people as they are on a deeper level, and that is not boring..What they say is boring, they true selves are never boring..But then again, I could never live with one of them, I would die..I need an oasis to come home to…A place where I can just be who I am, as weird as I am, and be understood…
I TOTALLY know what you mean. I have learned to avoid social activities that include standing around in groups, people coming and going, with glasses in our hands… ;)
I'm great in intense, personal one-on-one situations, or structured group events that are about something.
Too bad you're still so far away. But who knows, at least we're in the same part of the world. Promise to let me know when you plan doing a visit to Berlin! I'll take you to my favorite tea house.
Sending MUCH love,
Gabriele
Dear Gabriele, I totally love Berlin, I will make sure you will be notified when I get there, tea sounds great..!
Well, as for feeling like an alien, it is part of the human-ness…It is ok…I don't mind..I have an inner life most people would just die for, (hehe) it is beyond anything , it is true value, even though it means I have to go deep in myself…
Gaia for me has been an oasis…I have met, and keep meeting really interesting and mindblowing people, people who are flesh and blood, even if they are far away..Distance is but an illusion..I like my solitude as well, it is in many ways who I am ..I like the silence…I like that I don'thave to live with someone that constantly wants to watch soccer on the telly..It is just a fact…The other day we where all the parents in my son's kindergarden, and purely objectively, I can see how extremly different lives I have compared to those other parents..They are cool though, there is the same spark of life in everyone, and when I am in balance,it is that light which becomes the natural expression, and laughter and silliness and pure fun is evident—no noia…hehe….(it is lurking in the background though, I can see it, but I tell it to beat it, it is like a dog from the past )
The challenging days is when I am imbalanced, and I get too emotional..That is when I know that I need to transform it, by going through it, so that I can ground with all of me in this world again..Into this world of great potential,
You are most definentaly a sister in spirit…I have seen your collages ,sister.:) And we should pair up for a duet, I am known to be quite a good singer myself…hearhear…
Lots of love to you….:)